I know this is just one of those emails that circulate at work, but after the week I've had it seems particularly appropriate today.
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit your fuse.
7. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here - I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I don't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision - I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for nutters?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny arse opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a f'ing people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh, I get it. Like humour. Only different.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to kill.
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary
39. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute - I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality
8 comments:
I think they are fairly nice and polite considering some of the ones I would like to say to an odd few folk that I work with, most of which are unrepeatable here!
I'm with Ann, what I would like to say must stay in my head!
thank you, so appropriate that will cover nextweek as well
Diane
Don't we all have 'those' kind of weeks? - now if I could just remember a few for when I need them.......
Ah, wonderful. I like one that goes, he/she has the six pack but not the plastic thingy that holds it all together. Or.... Unfortunately, the lift does not go to your top floor. One sandwich short of a picnic is good, and my best one to offer is:
Today is not a good day to p*ss me off! Don't use it very often but it kind of slipped out the other week.....
I love #2 and know exactly who I would say it too!!
Gill in Canada
This made me laugh out loud! Wouldn't it be nice if you could just have one day a year to speak your mind freely without consequences? Ah, to dream...
Some funny ones there. I couldn't say outloud what i would be thinking.
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